Today is my birthday.
It’s also the day after the 22nd anniversary of my little brother passing in a road traffic collision which, I’ve just realised (as I type this) means he’s been gone half of my life now. So as every year passes from now, I’d have spent more and more of my life without my baby brother. I guess it’s a significant milestone.
It is 44th birthday. Which also means, I’m the same age my Dad was when he passed away. Another milestone reached.
What effect does that have on a man?
Well, it means I’ve been sat here pondering, comparing my life, my achievements to his, wondering what he’d make of the life his eldest son has created, and basically wondering, where the hell do I go from here?
Jeez, ever feel like milestones come along and emotionally beat you up?
This post isn’t intended to be a negative emotional drain. That’s not who I am, how I live my life, or my general perspective on the world. But I do think it’s worth acknowledging these milestones.
I need to acknowledge them as, subconsciously, I think it’s been affecting me. I’ve been feeling quite emotional, lost, and not really knowing what to do with myself or how to feel.
So, why am I posting this?
Well, I guess the main thing I wanted to do is express myself. But in doing so, I also wanted to say to anyone that needs to know it, that it’s OK to feel how you feel. Whatever it is you’re feeling, honestly, it’s OK.
These days, society is telling us to control our feelings, or that if we are feeling anything negative that we should seek help. But here’s the thing, feeling low, negative, sad, whatever, is a perfectly normal, natural emotion. It means you’re human. It means you’re alive.
Feeling anything other than happy and content can suck! I know! But don’t be too quick to try to get rid of the feeling. Recognise it, try to understand why, try to address it as best you can, learn from it, build resilience from it, and try to get stronger from it.
I always tell myself (and I’ve stated it in a previous post) that we’re given the life we have the strength to handle. Trust me, there have been times I’ve struggled to believe this and have wished I really wasn’t so strong.
But, each time, I take time to reflect, to think about how I feel, why I might feel this, and if there’s anything I can do about it. There’s no magic cure to feeling low or sad.
I didn’t know why I was feeling like I was, and then it hit me when I started writing this. I’ve been able to understand why. Of course, that doesn’t mean the feeling instantly goes away, but recognising, and trying to understand are the first stages of being able to the take action and move forward.
So, I guess my message is this: your feelings are valid. Positive, negative, good, bad, indifferent. Whatever it is, it’s valid. Don’t try to hide away from it. Don’t think you need to suppress it. Don’t try to numb it. I know it seems like a good idea to try to numb the emotions you’re feeling sometimes, especially the negative painful ones, but I truly believe that to tackle the feelings, to address what you need to address, and to be able to face your challenges head on, you need to be fully present, engaged, sober, and without influence or compromise. Think of it as going cold turkey on dealing with your emotions. No one said it’ll be easy, but in time, it’ll definitely help you understand yourself.
The things we experience in life are all part of developing us in to the people we’re destined to become. If we don’t allow them to control us, we can grow strong from them and we can use our experiences to help others.
Anyway – as I said, it’s my birthday., and I’m choosing to go and celebrate – Cheers!
Think Can Will 